“How do I get people to talk about death and dying?”

Sometimes when we are ready to talk to our loved ones they don’t seem ready - or willing - to talk to us.

Maybe there’s resistance.

Anyone else experience the eye roll 🙄 and hear comments like, “Why do you have to be so morbid.”

Maybe there’s denial.

“Stop, we’re not there yet. We don’t need to talk about that yet.”

These reactions can be difficult to hear and frustrating 😤 if you feel a sense of urgency.

So let’s talk about three different approaches to these conversations.

First, and simplest…think about what communication style has worked in the past.

Remember a time you’ve had a conversation with a spouse, child, or close friend that you were worried about and it went well.

What happened? Did you text first? Talk over the phone?

Maybe you were sitting side by side in a car, not looking directly at each other.

Honestly, one of the best ways to set yourself up for success is to choose a communication method that’s worked in the past.

Next, start by sharing.

For example, you could say something like…

“I was reading an article recently about green burial, have you ever heard of that?...I thought it was really interesting.  I’m going to look into what it would take to set that up so it’s easy for whoever is making arrangements after I die."

That’s it!

Maybe the conversation continues, or maybe you just shared that little bit.

Either is a win.

Finally, if a personal approach might be too intimidating try bringing up examples from pop culture.

“Have you seen the movie…one of the characters decided to have a farewell party instead of a typical memorial. I thought it was so moving that they got to hear their friends and family eulogize them while they were still alive. Would you do something like that?”

While you’re excited to share, it’s important to be prepared to listen too.

Take note of what your loved ones share with you.

Ask follow up questions.

You’d be amazed what you might learn.

So what do you think? Are you going to try to sneak in some casual death conversation at Thanksgiving?

If so, here are a few more conversation starter ideas for you:

• Given a chance to pick your last meal, what would you eat?
  
• If you could re-live one day in your life before you die, which would you choose?
  
• After your dead, will you know how you died?​