"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.”
"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.”
Client Stories
Please know that I take privacy and trust very seriously. Sharing stories of our experiences working with the dying can be very helpful to other clients and their communities of care. All clients are asked if they would be comfortable with me sharing their story if their name and identifying information is concealed. If they prefer to remain private, I fully honor their wishes.
Bob's Legacy
The first time I met “Bob” we were in a zoom call which he was taking from his bed. Bob was younger than you might expect and it wasn’t obvious from looking at him that he was gravely ill.
Bob reached out to me after reading an article in the newspaper about my work. He’d never heard of an end-of-life doula before. He hadn’t really thought much about end of life until getting a stage four cancer diagnosis.
From his descriptions, I understood that the treatment he was receiving was focused on comfort and he had practical support in place to help when it would become harder to take care of himself.
So why did Bob want to work with a death doula?
What Bob wanted, what he really valued, was to focus on something I would call his legacy.
He was very aware that he had limited time left with his children.
There were stories he wanted to share with them, values he wanted to impress upon them. Wisdom that “for whatever it’s worth” he wanted to be able to hand to them before it was too late.
We designed a legacy project, a simple one that matched Bob’s energy and priorities.
Bob decided he would write each of his children letters.
Later, he expand the project to include nieces and nephews.
We worked on these together, slowly. Some days Bob would know clearly what he wanted to say and I would transcribe his words as he dictated them to me.
Some days the words were more of a struggle. He had a sense of what he was trying to convey, but he could feel frustrated when the words didn’t come.
On those days I asked him to tell me stories, about when his kids were young, about important times in his life related to the values he was trying to share. Then I would ask him questions about the stories significance and usually that helped Bob clarify what he wanted to share.
When the letters were complete we printed them.
Bob was able to sign each one.
He directed me around his home to collect mementos he wanted shared with the letters. Photographs, artwork, significant objects.
In some cases I mailed these items for him. Others were given directly to the intended recipient during a visit.
The project brought Bob many moments of satisfaction, clarity, and love. The project also allowed him to give to his loved ones in a meaningful, personal way.
Not everyone wants or needs to create a legacy project.
Not all legacy projects are letters.
For those who are moved to “leave something behind” an end of life doula can offer the practical and emotional support to bring this projects to fruition.
Bob's Legacy
The first time I met “Bob” we were in a zoom call which he was taking from his bed. Bob was younger than you might expect and it wasn’t obvious from looking at him that he was gravely ill.
Bob reached out to me after reading an article in the newspaper about my work. He’d never heard of an end-of-life doula before. He hadn’t really thought much about end of life until getting a stage four cancer diagnosis.
From his descriptions, I understood that the treatment he was receiving was focused on comfort and he had practical support in place to help when it would become harder to take care of himself.
So why did Bob want to work with a death doula?
What Bob wanted, what he really valued, was to focus on something I would call his legacy.
He was very aware that he had limited time left with his children.
There were stories he wanted to share with them, values he wanted to impress upon them. Wisdom that “for whatever it’s worth” he wanted to be able to hand to them before it was too late.
We designed a legacy project, a simple one that matched Bob’s energy and priorities.
Bob decided he would write each of his children letters.
Later, he expand the project to include nieces and nephews.
We worked on these together, slowly. Some days Bob would know clearly what he wanted to say and I would transcribe his words as he dictated them to me.
Some days the words were more of a struggle. He had a sense of what he was trying to convey, but he could feel frustrated when the words didn’t come.
On those days I asked him to tell me stories, about when his kids were young, about important times in his life related to the values he was trying to share. Then I would ask him questions about the stories significance and usually that helped Bob clarify what he wanted to share.
When the letters were complete we printed them.
Bob was able to sign each one.
He directed me around his home to collect mementos he wanted shared with the letters. Photographs, artwork, significant objects.
In some cases I mailed these items for him. Others were given directly to the intended recipient during a visit.
The project brought Bob many moments of satisfaction, clarity, and love. The project also allowed him to give to his loved ones in a meaningful, personal way.
Not everyone wants or needs to create a legacy project.
Not all legacy projects are letters.
For those who are moved to “leave something behind” an end of life doula can offer the practical and emotional support to bring this projects to fruition.
Tom's Plan
“Tom” was in his mid 90s when we met and he wanted to have a plan so he could die at home.
He’d been a hospice volunteer and caregiver to his wife at the end of her life. And he’d spent time thinking about what mattered most to him at the end.
He was clear that he wanted to stay in his home and stay as alert as possible, even if that mean some physical discomfor
So Tom and I put together his plan.
We talked about the kinds of help he might need as his abilities changed. Things like: grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning. Personal care: like assistance showering, dressing, getting to the bathroom or a commode.
Tom had friends and neighbors who wanted to support him, but they didn’t know what to do.
I helped Tom draft emails and make phone calls. He hired some help and his circle of care took on tasks to support him.
Between our end of life planning sessions, Tom and I talked about the books he was reading. Stories from his childhood. A letter he’d written to the editor of his local newspaper.
After a few weeks Tom was happy with his plans and the supports he had in place.
He had hospice, a schedule of regular visitors, and some hired helpers. It was clear that my help was no longer needed so I stepped aside.
When Tom passed I was sad that he’d gone, but grateful his death had been well supported.
I sat down at my desk, lit a candle, and thought about the lessons he’d taught me.
I thanked him out loud for letting me be part of his journey.
I wished him well in whatever came next for him.
Then I blew out the candle and imagined the smoke carrying my words to him where he might hear them.
I think about Tom every year on the anniversary of his death. I am so glad that he and his circle of care were well supported.
“Tom” was in his mid 90s when we met and he wanted to have a plan so he could die at home.
He’d been a hospice volunteer and caregiver to his wife at the end of her life. And he’d spent time thinking about what mattered most to him at the end.
He was clear that he wanted to stay in his home and stay as alert as possible, even if that mean some physical discomfor
So Tom and I put together his plan.
We talked about the kinds of help he might need as his abilities changed. Things like: grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning. Personal care: like assistance showering, dressing, getting to the bathroom or a commode.
Tom had friends and neighbors who wanted to support him, but they didn’t know what to do.
I helped Tom draft emails and make phone calls. He hired some help and his circle of care took on tasks to support him.
Between our end of life planning sessions, Tom and I talked about the books he was reading. Stories from his childhood. A letter he’d written to the editor of his local newspaper.
After a few weeks Tom was happy with his plans and the supports he had in place.
He had hospice, a schedule of regular visitors, and some hired helpers. It was clear that my help was no longer needed so I stepped aside.
When Tom passed I was sad that he’d gone, but grateful his death had been well supported.
I sat down at my desk, lit a candle, and thought about the lessons he’d taught me.
I thanked him out loud for letting me be part of his journey.
I wished him well in whatever came next for him.
Then I blew out the candle and imagined the smoke carrying my words to him where he might hear them.
I think about Tom every year on the anniversary of his death. I am so glad that he and his circle of care were well supported.
Doula Care for Dying, LLC. serves southern Vermont, New Hampshire, and nationwide virtually.
Call (802) 546-1110
Email: [email protected]
Call (802) 546-1110
Email: [email protected]